All my life I have been very fond of nail polish. However, in the past two years it has become such a part of my routine to constantly change my nail polish (more like every three days now that I live in New York. I don't know if it's because I live with girls who love painting their nails or if it's because I have more free time on my hands.). Anyhoo, the point of this story is that I really love nail polish. I love buying it, trying it on at the store before making the decision to buy it, choosing a color while getting a mani/pedi, mixing colors and patterns on my own....etc.
But yesterday was a day that will forever change my outlook on nail polish. My friend Vanessa introduced me to Calgel! I am seriously hooked. I chose a really awesome coral color with a muted gold glitter gradient starting from cuticle of my nail to the mid of my nail. I'm stoked to see how they will stand up against my daily tasks that usually fuck up my nail polish. Calgel is supposed to last up to 3 weeks without chips and also strengthen your nails,
so this may be my new unnecessary addiction.
Sadly, this picture does not do my awesome new nails any justice.
However, enjoy looking at a portion of my awesome
'Donald and Goofy on a random sailboat in the middle of a forest' mouse pad.
Sometimes I go into these dark places where my mind wanders through thoughts of death and despair--I find myself there when everything seems too overwhelming to even comprehend. I shower by candle light and I actually prefer it, so what does that say about me? I want to cut paper and glue it to wood and make worlds that only I could imagine and understand. I want to be able to keep one fucking plant alive. I'm not angry, but that doesn't mean I'm alright. I feel so constrained by humanity and the world at large and people like my neighbors and their kids. And don't even get me started on children. I bought six pairs of high-waisted jeans at Texas Thrift in McAllen and they look good in so many imagined outfits and shoes. Oh what kind of lady am I becoming? Dishes, more dishes! I buy teacups like there is no tomorrow. Gothic, glowing lamps and flower-patterned tins for tea bags. Where are my tea bags?
What I really am wondering is whether or not I should feel this way at this very moment in my life? Do I always need an ebb and flow of my fucking emotions every few months? This is what life is about; making decisions, hoping to fall into some sort of hole that makes you feel fulfilled. But what about all the other people, choices, colors, levels of consciousness?
I feel detached from things I used to deem important. I long for this fabricated past. Where glamourous couples have lavish homes and throw dinner parties and have a wall made entirely out of crystals--opals, topaz, quartz. The highest of high heels and all colors of lipsticks and eye shadows. Western deserts and Spanish ghost towns, where the sun beats down on your beautiful face. You run a town where history means nothing.